


What about us?

by Henry085 (StonyRS)



Series: Grindeldore one_shots [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:42:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StonyRS/pseuds/Henry085
Summary: So what about us? What about love? What about saying that we'll never give up?
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Series: Grindeldore one_shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710724
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	What about us?

\- I , I want to go out, just for a couple of minutes, I will behave, you have my word - Gellert said softly with his forehead pressed to the cold stone wall, muttering the words behind the small window behind the bars, trembling anxious voice.

-What for?- The guard asked even more nervous than Gellert.

-Is my right- he whispered.

-You've never demanded that right before...you must be up to something- it was more like thinking out loud, and Gellert curved his lips into a smile.

-No, I swear, I just want to pick some flowers- He said as honest as he could.

-Flowers? You don't even like flowers, you've never showed any interest in nature or whatsoever-

Gellert gritted his teeth and let out a sigh, he tried his best not to be pathetic, nor reckless. It was a thin line to cross.

-Is my right- he mumbled under his breath and the guards looked at each other with nervous faces. The principal guard of the prison smirked.

\- I just don't think is genuine, and I don't want to risk the chance of letting you out for some minutes and to be ambushed by dark wizards. Can't afford that Grindelwald- he said starkly and Gellert sighed but apprecciated his honesty.  
  
-You won't be ambushed. Is not a trap, I swear, I just. Please, I want to pick-up some flowers-

-We'll get them for you- He offered

-No, it has to be me- 

\- I think it's trap boss- a younger wizard said and Gellert growled behind his cell, annoyed.

-They're for Albus- he said in a whisper and the wizard in charge of the cell suddenly understood. He had heard so many rumors about Gellert's and Albus relationship, he couldn't believe what he was listening to, confirmation? Was the most recognized wizard of the century actually in a relationship with the darkest wizard of the century? Was cupid really that of an asshole?

-He's not here- He said calmly and heard a loud sigh.

\- I know...but he said he was coming, I want to have them ready when he does come- He said and the guard swallowed loudly.

\- I don't... I don't think he's coming Grindelwald- he said as soft as he could, because, what were the odds? Albus hadn't even cared to write a letter in months, and after their duel he had been isolated at Hogwarts. Did Gellert know that?

Gellert felt his heart broken and his hands shaking and sweating, but he didn't say anything.

-He is, he.. said, he wrote he would. He is- 

-I really don't think he will come, last time he wrote you was 4 months ago, he hasn't replied to any of your weekly letters- 

Gellert bit back a sob, he tried his best to remain calm and strong but his voice was starting to tremble, his anxiety starting to shadow his senses.

\- I can feel he will come, I just... want to pick some flowers, please- he repeated drying the tears on his cheeks and the wizard in charge of the prison felt pity and nodded.

Gellert was true to his word, he walked around the small garden, found some small daisies and picked them with infinite care.

All the guards were surprised and terrified of witnessing this unknown soft side of the dark wizard. Some were even feeling sorry for him, cause they were damn sure Albus wasn't coming to see him.

Not next Friday (as Gellert had requested in some unanswered letter) nor ever.

When Friday came Gellert was up even earlier than usual, some even thought he hadn't had any sleep. He took the wasted scissors he had and started cutting his long white blonde hair, he tried his best without magic, but even with all his attention and effort put into it, it was a bit of a rough asymmetrical haircut.

He bit his lip nervous and for the first time in months took a look of himself at the mirror.

Fuck, he was skinny. His ribs and collar bone could be visible even through his jail clothes, his white blonde hair was a bit lame, some deep wrinkles were starting to be noticeable, his skin seemed dry and thinner, and his asynchronous eyes were now more notable than ever, a trait that he had always hated about himself. He sighed and tried to look away pressing his eyes shut almost aggressively. 

He was being incredibly foolish and masochistic. 

Albus was - _in fact_ \- the greatest wizard of the century, bright, talented, witty, magnetic. But he was also soft, caring, lovable, and add to that, incredibly attractive. 

Why on earth was he still thinking he could be important to Albus? Why would Albus want him, when he could have any wizard he wanted? Gellert wasn't even a wizard anymore, he had been marked for life, he was much like a lame squib, with a shattered body and a wrecked soul. 

He was nothing for Albus. Nothing.

__________

Visiting hours were around 5, it was 5.15 and Albus was never late.

Which meant he wasn't showing up.

Gellert stood frozen sitting on the chair staring at the empty seat before him, he could feel the deafening silence from the guards behind him, he thought he would hear chuckles or laughs, but this was worse. This silence only meant pity.

  
These people were right. Albus wasn't coming.

  
He felt his cheeks wet and his heart beating so fast he could feel the palpitations through his skin, obsessive thoughts haunting him and making his hands sweat.

  
He doesn't love you anymore.  
He doesn't care about you being here.  
He never meant what he said.  
He won't come.  
He will never come.  
Don't bother writing him back, he will make an excuse and break your heart again.  
And again.  
And again.

He will leave you here to rot.

  
Gellert closed his fist around the stem of the bunch of daisies and sobbed loudly, he could feel he was about to tremble and disconnect himself from this, he felt an anxiety attack so close... his eyes shut, crying silently but still trying to get his shit together, his breathing audible.

  
You can't break in front of these people, they will never take you seriously again. You still have a lifetime in here.

  
Fucking Albus.

-Hey, Gell- he felt a soft touch on his hand and opened his eyes, he hadn't heard anyone coming in, he hadn't heard anything at all. 

Albus was standing in front of him, auburn hair with silver locks, auburn beard and deep calm blue eyes.

Albus was perfect.

He was wearing a black suit, a blue long sleeved shirt and was carrying a black coat, he was muscled and tall and perfectly impeccable.

Gellert remembered his own reflection, he was nothing compared Albus. He remembered his mark once more, he wasn't allowed to do magic anymore, he wasn't good looking anymore -well, to be honest he never thought he was, his mismatching eyes and super pale skin were traits he had always hated about himself, he relied on his intellect and talent at magic, but he was a bit of a squib now, so...- He was just a man, pathetically sitting in jail, crying with a bunch of insignificant daisies to offer.

  
He needed to stop this shit.  
He needed to be real to himself  
Albus was completely out of his league. Always had been, but now it was just impossible.

When he opened his eyes again Albus was back, he noticed no guards were surrounding them anymore, and the atmosphere felt a bit lighter.

-Wanted a bit more privacy- Albus said softly with his blue sparkling eyes set on him and a wide honest smile.

Gellert just nodded unable to say a word. His anxiety rising so fast he couldn't stop moving his leg and his right hand drumming the table. Albus noticed but didn't say anything.

-Are those for me?- Albus asked with a bit of excitement in his voice while staring at the daisies, Gellert felt his heart skip a beat.

-Oh, they're nothing, just... nothing- he said the last word in a whisper and Albus smiled and took them.

\- I love them, thank you- he said sweetly and Gellert couldn't stop himself, he didn't even know what he was holding inside himself.   
  
\- I'm sure other men give you better flowers, gardens of them- he blurted out in a whisper and Albus chuckled and threw his head back in laughter, exposing a bit of his neck and collarbone. Gellert remembered his own skinny body and shrinked.

\- Actually they don't - He said cautiously and Gellert rolled his eyes -But it is nice to know you're still a jealous git-

\- It's ok if they do- he said softly and dug his eyes on the table, he wanted to look at Albus, to keep staring at him, but he knew he was weak and could throw himself at him unexpectedly, and he had to be honest to himself. Albus was unreachable.

-You're very anxious- Albus said trying to ignore what he had just said and Gellert smiled to himself.

-Yeah, it was a normal thing everytime we met- 

-Not quite, just at the beginning, I remember at the end you didn't feel that way- 

-Things have changed-

-I'm still here- Albus said softly and Gellert felt his heart beating so loud, and apparently Albus heard it too 'cause his blue eyes switched to worry and softness.

-Why?- Gellert said with trembling voice and Albus sighed.

-You know why-

-No, I... Fuck, I actually don't. Why did you come? I was starting to think you weren't coming at all-

-You asked me to, I wanted to for months, but thought it'd be best to give us some time, after... the duel- 

-Fuck Albus, you know what I mean-

Albus looked a bit puzzled. 

\- I don't-

Gellert sighed and for the first time looked him in the eyes, fuck, he loved this man.

-I'm marked. I will never be the wizard you knew, I can't perform magic anymore, I'm not powerful, my mental health is so frail, my pshycial appearance is hideous, I... I'm not worth it Albus. What are you doing here? wasting your time, hanging to a man that doesn't exist anymore- he said with firm strong hurt words.

Albus couldn't stop himself and let out a tear, he didn't dry it, he just smiled to himself, a broken painful smile. 

-I'm here because I love you. Because we said for better or for worse, because nothing of that matters to me, except your mental health, which I would love to help you recover- He said honestly and Gellert broke, he started crying to himself and suddenly the sobs were loud and his skinny body shaking. 

Albus felt his heart broken and reached out for his hand.

-I'm just... I'm so sorry, for what I did to us, for what happened to Ariana, for all the dreams we had that are now long gone, for becoming this. I'm so sorry Al- he said between sobs and Albus walked to him and tried to hug him, but Gellert didn't let him and pushed himself farther into the chair.

-No... Please don't- Gellert said still crying and Albus felt hurt.

-Please, I want to hold you Gell-

-I'm...- but he cut himself and just nodded.

Albus felt like home, his hugs were peace and warmth, he was bigger than him, two inches taller and smelled like pastries and books. Albus felt Gellert's frail body, he was really skinny for someone who had been locked for less than a year, prison was consuming Gellert quickly and Albus felt his stomach turn wildly, he had tried during all these months to accept that Gellert had time to serve, and that he would wait for him, but now, he didn't know if Gellert was coming out alive. 

He felt the sudden need to touch him, he pressed his hand on his cheek and with his eyes full of tears he kissed Gellert's lips. Gellert pushed him away almost immediatly.

-I'm sorry- Albus said a bit hurt and Gellert shook his head.

-No, I... fuck Albus, I want to kiss you, I love you, and I need you so fucking much, but I... I need to understand we're done, I want to be able to let you , us go, I... I - his voice was lost and Albus bit his lip.

-What about us Gell? What about saying that we'll never give up?

\- I want us Al, of course I want us to happen, but...-

-Then, why did you stop me?-

-Because this is not real, because I can't ask you to be with me. I'm ...- 

\- All that I want- Albus interrupted him.

-I'm serving a life sentence Albus-

Albus bit his lip.

-I am serious Gell, you're all what I want. You're my one and only, and I will be here for you. I will come to Germany twice a week to visit you, and we could organize our dates here...-

-No. Albus stop. - Gellert said hurt - You deserve better Albus, you deserve someone real, you can't live like this-

-But I want to- He said a bit hopelessly- As much as I want to strip your clothes off and kiss every angle of your body-

Gellert blushed with a shy smile on his face.

-I think sex is definitely off the table- he said in a whisper and his smile faded.

-Why? I think we could arrange something in here, the guards were really cooperative today-

-You used _imperius_ on them- Gellert said and Albus smiled brightly.

-And you noticed. So, see? Still bright, no change here- 

Gellert rolled his eyes but didn't argue.

\- Why is sex off the table?- Albus insisted and Gellert sighed annoyed. 

-I'm sure you can hook up with someone far better out there, just... I don't want to know, I just, it's ok-

-You're allowing me to have sex with someone else instead of you? Who are you?- Albus said genuinely impressed, Gellert was and had always been a jealous possesive man.

-Well, I love you, and it'd be suicide to have you stuck with me and my body, so, it's fine, as long as I...-

Albus stood back feeling shocked, hurt and impotent.

-Did you mean that? or was that an awful joke?-

-No Al, I mean it-

-So you actually believe having sex with you would be "suicide" for me?-

-I wanted to say disgusting but didn't want to risk an argument-

-Seems like you couldn't get rid of it- 

Gellert chuckled and bit his lip. 

-It was worth the try tho-

Albus rolled his eyes annoyed. 

-I won't push you. But I won't have sex with someone else neither. I will wait for you, until you're ready-

-It's not.. fuck, is not a virginal morality issue, you're fucking hot, and I want you so much, and we've had sex before, but i was... desirable before-

-You are desirable Gellert-

-Shut it, just. Ugh- he groaned and Albus chuckled.

-Ok, we can discuss this some other day, so, we're set then?

-Are you sure Al? I mean, this is madness, people will know, people will talk, your reputation will sink...- 

-I'm certain Gellert. Are you?- Albus cut him off a bit aggressively.

\- I am-

-Then I'll come twice a week, try to think of stuff that you'd like me to bring for you and owl me-

Gellert just nodded.

-Hey, I love you- Albus said with a soft smile and Gellert smiled.

-With all my heart Al-

-We'll get through this, trust me-

________

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are really appreciated


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